Agenda
Our next meeting is Wed, Oct. 5th. There is a location
change. It will be hosted by Carole Robin. Her address is 1544 Walnut
Drive in Palo Alto [94303].
We will start with coffee at 1:30 to socialize. The session runs from 2
to 5:30ish when we have wine and cheese with further conversations.
The session will be led by Gary Dexter and the following is his
description of the topic.
"I will be moderating what I expect to be a fascinating and wide-ranging
discussion on research and T-groups. We all have an intuitive sense that
great results are being produced for ourselves and our participants by
the work we do...but where's the proof? Out of all the fascinating
dynamics that occur in group, might particular issues be most
productively explored? How? Who is doing research on T-groups now?
Why don't we hear much about it? Why aren't we doing it ourselves?
Should we do it? Should we nominate members not attending this
discussion to begin the work? :-) Join us!"
August 3, 2005 (Gary Drexter's)
As usual, we will start at 1:30 with informal
socializing with our session starting at 2.
Topic: Pursuing deeper the issue of the impact of our sexual orientation
to us personally and professionally.
The discussion we had at our last meeting was very rich and ended with
energy to continue exploring additional aspects related to the topic of
our sexual orientation. This could involve:
-- Our respective views of sexual orientation, gender, and sexuality and
their relationship to our identities.
-- How the differences around sexual orientation play out amongst
ourselves as individuals, facilitators and within our T-groups.
Hope to see all of you there.
[It takes about an hour and a half to get to Gary's place from
Berkeley/San Francisco]
Attending our meeting was David Bradford, Scott Bristol, Andrea Corney, John Cronkite, Gary Dexter, Thoraya Halhoul, Flo Hoylman, Paula Jones, Tony Kortens, Leigh Morgan, Judith Noel, Carole Robin, Jack Sherwood and Yifat Levine -- our largest meeting thus far.
We started off by welcoming four new members, Leigh who had moved here from North Carolina and Andrea, John C. & Yifat who are new members to NTL.
The topic of the meeting was to look at gay, lesbian, transgender issues for us as trainers. We started by making the distinction between intimacy and sexuality and then responded to the Kinsey 7 pt. scale [from heterosexuality through bi-sexuality to homosexuality] on the following three dimensions:
how do we define ourself
what thoughts, feelings, attractions do we have
what are our behaviors
[Which led to a couple of the straights saying how
bland they felt!]
We then spent some time fully understanding different terms and dimensions to gender before turning to the issue of the impact for us in training groups and the dilemmas that could arise. When/how does one disclose being bi/gay/lesbian, responding to participants who may not be out, etc. One of the interesting points that came out is that the group that might feel most marginalized in a T-group is the person with fundamental religious beliefs who believes homosexuality is a sin? How does one honor that person's beliefs [and protect that person from rejecting] while still attending to the hurt that person's comments might cause?
In our discussion, we experienced the power of words and how easy it is to read more into comments -- and how easy to become emotionally hooked.
After wine, the discussion turned [yet again] even more personal. We decided that we had only begin to scratch the surface and while very valuable, we wanted to explore this more fully and at a more personal level at our next meeting.
That will be at Gary Dexter's in Sonoma on Wed. August 3. Directions will follow.
Agenda
Our next meeting is this Wednesday, May 18th at Carole Robin's in Palo Alto. [1544 Walnut Drive, Palo Alto, 94303. (650) 325-8852] Please call her if you can make it.
April 20, 2005 (Janet's House Boat)
Attending the April meeting were: Judith Noel, Kathleen Brown, Mai Vu, Thoraya Halhoul, Janet Thuesen, David Bradford, Scott Bristol, Bob Brown, Lanz Lowen, Gary Dexter and “Paske,” Janet’s new puppy.
After coffee & nibbles and a brief check-in, Mai Vu opened the discussion on “jealousy – one of the least researched emotions.” We spent quite a bit time differentiating between “jealousy” and “envy.” The following is a reflection of the discourse.
The discussion started with jealousy being only linked with some sort of sexual connotation, but we came to the point where we believed it did not have to be of a sexual nature, but always with a third party in the equation/relationship. It tends to trigger feelings of possessiveness, exclusion, competition, inadequacy, ego or fear . . . . and maybe fear of loss.
Envy deals with some of the same feelings but tends to be in a situation where you have an admiration/respect/positive regard for another person, quality or material possession.
Most people don’t tend to identify with the emotion of “jealousy” but attach words like “hurt,” “not meeting my needs,” “anger.” Only when pushed to delve deeper, does one recognize “jealousy.”
“Jealousy is a doorway which points us to what things we need to work on most for ourselves,” said a participant. If we choose not to go through the door, we can only remain with our anger, blame and hurt. We tend to point the finger at the other for the hurt, but it is a wound within us that has never healed. Whenever a situation arises that is similar in nature, it will trigger that old wound until it is resolved.
We touched briefly on the “other’s” (the one not feeling the jealousy) responsibility in the equation . . . . . perhaps to *create space, *not collude, *not take on the responsibility.
In the latter part of the session, we moved to the personal level to check to see if there was jealousy or envy experienced within the group. Several participants acknowledged that those feelings existed and time was spent on our own dynamics.
Finally, we talked about how to handle feelings of jealousy and envy in a T-group with a co-trainer [as either feeling it or being the recipient].
Thank you, Mai, for bringing this subject to the group. It was a fascinating discussion!
Our next meeting will be on May 18th at Carole Robin’s in Palo Alto. The topic will be “dealing with boundaries” and led by Lanz.
AGENDA
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Mai Vu will lead the next session on Jealousy [not just with friends/intimate others, but also with co-trainers and participants]. That meeting will be Wednesday, April 20th at Janet Thuesen's houseboat in Sausalito.
Participating in our monthly meeting were: David Bradford, Scott Bristol, Bob Brown, Gary Dexter, Collins Dobbs, Mary Ann Huckabay, Paula Jones, Lanz Lowen, Carole Robin, Craig Schuler and Mai Vu.
We tried something new in this session in that we tried to integrate the personal with the professional. After a brief check-in, Paula Jones led us through a design that came at the issue of diversity in a different way. She posed the question, "as a trainer, what groups do you have difficulty being objective about... and why?" With some embarrassment we "fessed up" to the groups that we might have negative (or positive -- which could also distort objectivity) reactions to. Some of these included..
older white males with power people from the military or with a military background beautiful women or men
white women who act disempowered ultra-conservative, right-wingers lawyers very rich who act entitled
born-again Christians "mystical/spiritual" co-trainers older Asian men those who act morally superior
"cool jocks" those from Germany, Poland or Austria GLBT who aren't "out"
12-step devotees men from male-dominant cultures those who act passive-aggressive
We then stated why they "hooked us" -- what it was in our background or personal feelings that made it difficult to see them as individuals.
The discussion then turned to various ways to deal with this when it occurred. While self-awareness was important, how to use one's co-trainer, whether/when to bring up your reaction in the group. Also, times when these reactions actually provided a way to make a connection with the other. Another interesting point that came out was that these reactions weren't necessary only upon first contact, but can arise (and then go away) any time in the group's life.
After we opened the wine, the conversation turned to the more personal question of whether members had some of these reactions to others in the room. After admitting that had been the case during the discussion, we then explored what made it difficult to raise it. "That would get us into T-grouping and once into that, we would never get out." We decided to try the norm of seeing if we could dip in to explore the immediate interpersonal aspect of the issue and then move out to continue conceptual exploration of the topic.
This turned out to be one of the more fruitful meetings we have had and decided that we would try and continue the format of integrating personal issues/reactions/disclosures with conceptual/professional explorations.
Mai Vu will lead the next session on Jealousy [not just with friends/intimate others, but also with co-trainers and participants]. That meeting will be Wednesday, April 20th at Janet Thuesen's houseboat in Sausalito. Directions will be sent as the time gets close, but mark your calendar.
Our next Bay Area NTL Meeting will be next Tuesday, March 1st at David's house in Berkeley [directions attached]
Topic: We will be looking at training issues involving minority groups that are more frequent in the Bay Area [Latino/Latina, Gay/Lesbian, Asian/Asian-American]. How does this impact our training style and what issues come up for us personally <<Directions-Garber.doc>> in training with these groups? This session will attempt to integrate the personal and professional sides of our self. [Session led by Paula Jones and David Bradford].
1:30 Assemble for Coffee, Tea and Cake
2:00-5:30 Session
5:30- wine/cheese and informal discussion
And those who are interested go out for dinner afterwards.
Minutes: January 24th meeting
The meeting took place at Nan Wydler’s house on the peninsula. In attendance were: NanWydler, Craig Schuler, David Bradford, Scott Bristol, Flo Hoylman, Jack Sherwood, Janet Theusen, and Collins Dobbs
Scott facilitated the meeting.
Topic: “T grouping”: What is it? Does it have a place in our group?
Agenda:
Review of meeting format and norms
Exploring the meaning of “T Grouping”
- Can it be a verb?
- How and when does this group slip into “T Grouping”
- The observation that the group becomes more lively when we do slip into “T Grouping
Examination of times we have pushed the boundary
- Do we want this as a formal addition to our meeting format
- Would we want a facilitator?
- Conclusion: We can act as our own facilitators for now. We can and do use the 2nd half of the meeting when we want to.
Experiment with allowing ourselves to be in blank space
Discussion
- We have some difficulty with blank space
- Norms we want to stress
- If someone is presenting; we should do everything to be supportive
- Suggestion; open the group up more, the group can expand into blank space and is responsible for its own facilitating.
Next Meeting: Tuesday March 1st
David Bradford’s house (east bay)
Topic: Expanding our notion of diversity [The salient groups in the Bay Area tend to be Asian/Asian-American, Latino/Latina & Gay Lesbian. What implications does this have for how we train, the sorts of issues that come up in T-groups and the sort of work we need to do on our self? (The session will attempt to integrate conceptual exploration with self-exploration).
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The January meeting will be at Nan Wydler's house in Portola Valley.
Topic to be lead by Scott Bristol : 'T-grouping' vs. 'T-group'.